When Did I Become So Popular?
by ambeeg6713
Summary: "Seriously. I mean I like attention as much as the next person but this is getting ridiculous." So I've always been amused by the fact that pretty much everyone wants to sleep with Shepard. I thought I'd write about a Shepard that just wants to get stuff done. But the squad has other ideas. I may exaggerate a little to make a point. Hopefully it will be amusing. If not I apologize.


_Okeydokey peeps. This is my first fanfic. Now let me start by saying that I've never actually played _Mass Effect_. I've just watched a shit ton of playthroughs. So hopefully that's enough for me to write a satisfying fic for you diehard fans out there. That being said I'm using a femShep that doesn't exist. But you're still gonna get a description and a background. Now the idea behind the fic is that I've always been amused by the fact that practically the whole squad wants to have sex with Shepard. So this fic is set up with Shepard uploading dossiers for her squad members, her personal dossier included. Now I'm going to do one for each romancable character regardless of past decisions. So there will be one for Ash and one for Kaidan and so on and so forth. And I'm doing this all from a femShep POV because I'm too lazy to do a separate maleShep one. So Shepard is being accosted at all times from all sectors. Which also means I'm gonna technically be femslashing all over. If the idea of a woman being attracted to another woman disgusts you then leave. Now. Because all these bitches be crazy for some femShep. And if that last sentence offended you then you should leave as well. Because I'm a woman and I'm not offended by that, so I'm gonna write it. But the idea that all of the romancables are attracted to the one gender Shepard is to exaggerate the fact that the squad apparently thinks Shepard is some kind of sex god(dess). Now I rated this M so I can let loose with the cussing but I don't envision another reason why it would fit that category. Yes, this means no smut. Sorry if you saw the romance and M rating and thought that. Technically it's romance but it's mostly one-way and directed at Shepard. Hopefully this fic will be more amusing than anything. That's why humor is listed first. But if it isn't I apologize ahead of time. Also this first chapter and probably the last one will be from Liara's POV. You'll see why. The rest of it will be dossier info/Shepard's POV._

_Sorry for the long Author's Note, it's probably longer than the chapter, but I probably won't do another chapter intro after this one. I just needed to get all that out. Please give me input. I'm writing this to be enjoyable and I would like to know if it isn't. Or if I get some facts wrong let me know then too. Because that's embarassing. But I'd appreciate it if you could be a constructive critic instead of just a straight up critic. And if you aren't enjoying stop reading silly. It's ok if you just don't like the idea. I can't please everyone 100% of the time. And I'm not trying to. But if you think I can improve let me know. Thanks and enjoy. =)_

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You know, when I told Shepard that I wanted to record her life story for future generations I didn't know what to expect. For some reason I wasn't expecting her to like it, but then again I expected her to flip when I told her I gave her body to Cerberus. She was fine with that, after I gave her time to absorb it. And she was fine with this too. I don't know why I always expected her to be so harsh. After all, anyone who knew Shepard knows that just because she was good at her job didn't mean that she was mean and cruel. Quite the opposite, in fact. She liked to act all cynical and uncaring, but she was very protective and loyal. And she cared, as much as she liked to pretend that she didn't. Especially for those who were loyal to her. But I'm digressing. You probably already got the idea from the life history in the rest of the files.

My point was, before I started reminiscing, that after Shepard got used to the idea of a recorded life history she gave me some of her personal reflections on the squad. The very squad that followed her to hell and back, multiple times. She uploaded the files herself. Unfortunately, for yours truly, Shepard was the ultimate tease. She kindly asked that I wouldn't read them until after her death. Since I owed her, understatement of the century, I acquiesced. Also, she was allowing me to make this history so I didn't want to provoke her. So I waited. And waited. Shepard got older, and I forgot about the files. When Shepard's health started failing, I was with her instantly. Sadly, I was one of the last crew members alive at that point. I sat by and watched the life drain out of her in those last few days. It was unbearable, but Shepard seemed like she was ready to embrace death. Which made it easier for me, I suppose. When she knew the end was near, she told me that the password would soon be mine. By that time I had completely forgotten the files and thought she was delirious. I feel like she expected that reaction. All she did was grin at me and say, "You'll see. You'll remember." And Shepard, knowing us better than we knew ourselves like she always did, and completely true to form, left a reminder and the password in her will. Needless to say, I rushed home to read the files. Anything to reconnect to the wondrous woman the galaxy just lost. After I got over the initial shock of reading Shepard's personal thoughts, I found them quite amusing. Definitely dripping with her signature uncaring, but actually caring a lot, cynicism and dry humor. I left them unlocked so that you can read her own thoughts and try and understand the marvel that was Commander Shepard.

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_Password_: ********

_Access Granted._

_Opening Personal Files of Commander Serena Rose Shepard._

_Loading… _


End file.
